Today as I layed on the table for radiation, I was so aware of the green and red light. I caught myself wanting to control the radiation that comes out, that I closed my eyes when the red light came on and just prayed for it to be over with. I have always been that way my entire life, until this year. When anything bad happened to me or my family I would get impatient and want it to hurry up and be over with. There have been times with my family when I wanted God to hurry up and deliver us from a situation. I wanted to go in and just fix it because I thought I knew what was best. But the more and more I drew closer to God, the more and more I saw that it was a process for me or my loved ones to be made. I knew God had healed me of the cancer but, he chose for me to still go through the whole process of the treatments. I see that if I hadn’t, I would have never had this wonderful bond with God and that I would not have been able relate to others that had to also go through.
This has shown me that I am not in control and that I have to wait on God for everything. It has helped me to be patient and believe God for the miracle he has for my son in his timing. That I don’t always know what God is up to when He seems so silent and things don’t change in my timing. I find myself leaning even harder in my faith that God will bring it to pass. Romans 8 : 25 ” But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
Have a great day – Love, Lisa
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June 16, 2010 at 1:14 pm |
My high dose radiation reguired me to lie still for 6.5 minutes, so I used the time to practice Ephesians 5:19-20, and spoke to myself in “psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making music to the Lord in [my] heart, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Those minutes flew by and were a brief island of calm in my life at that time! Your blog reminded me to get back to that, and I’ll have more joy and effectiveness in my day’s work. Thanks!