The Pink Chronicle

I am a survivor.  The early days leading up to figuring out about my cancer was a whirlwind.  So many doctors and MRI’s.  My whole life I felt I would never have cancer, that is what everyone else has.  So like so many I was in a daze, for a while.  Leading up to finding out, God had prepared me years ago to trust and lean on him.  The book of Job was my theme.  Along the way he taught me to not look at what the world says but, to look to him in faith for all things.  So when I received the news of cancer, I first panicked.  So upset with God because I had just gotten over a big trial with my son and I thought I couldn’t take anything else.   I wrestled with this for days.  And even blaming myself for not being responsible enough to catch the tumor early on.  As the days went on and I continued to pray, in my spirit I heard God  remind me -  “we live by faith, not by sight” – 2 Corinthians 5: 7.  From that day on those words lived in my spirit.  I never read another cancer book or looked on the internet.  I was told I had stage 3 cancer, it was the fastest  growing cancer, and very large, over 5 centimeters.  I never let those statistics stay with me – I heard all the scary news from the doctor’s and then I would leave and let God know that he has the final word and I knew he was going to take every bit of the cancer away.  I told God I knew he would heal me and that I was looking to him, and only him for complete healing. 

I tell you this because I think we live in a world that is  hard to keep our eyes on Jesus.  So many illnesses and diseases that we go to the doctor’s and embrace everything they tell us. We fall in to a trap of believing the doctors and the fear comes in and all of a sudden God is on the back burner.   God wants us to come to him first!!!   It is hard and God knows that.    God wants the glory, not man.  I was blessed by having cancer, and I can’t say that for everyone, all I can say is the road that we all go down is a lot lighter and easier if you can truly trust and have faith that God will see it through.  I am up against another big trial,like we all are, one I believe is  bigger than my cancer.  One that I will share one day but, it is causes me to have even greater faith than before.  This is my theme remember and I pray that God will get the glory, not man.

Love to all, Lisa

Blowing out candles for Ansley's Birthday and My Freedom from Cancer

We celebrated Ansley’s birthday the day I got home.  She thought she was turning 26 but, I had to bust her bubble that she was turning 27.  We had the whole family and cousins over, they hung out in my bedroom until it was time to eat.  Then came back to blow out candles and eat the cake in my bedroom.  Sounds strange but,  it was so special.   

The only reason I was back in my room was that everyone got mad at me, that I was doing too much.  I can honestly say that I feel so good.  I have yet to really have any pain.  I have kept my eyes upon the Lord and this has caused me to not be sad anymore  that I have lost a breast.  I’m all bandaged up and I haven’t seen it yet but, I’m leaning on the Lord to help me see it and then move on.   

I loved being in the hospital.  It was a 5 star hospital – I recommend the hospital to everyone..But what I really wanted to express to everyone was that I felt your prayers.  I had such joy and peace that I know only God could give.  The Lord heard loud and clear each one of your prayers.  Thank you all so much – I could not have gone through this with out you all. Have a great weekend – Love, Lisa

This weekend was a whirl wind of family activities.  My sisters and their husbands and adult children came to my house for dinner on Friday night. Then we all drove to Big canoe for my father’s 80th birthday to celebrate.  We had so much fun and were all amazed how young my father still acts.  He plays tennis and golf almost everyday with such a zest for life.  I returned home with Ansley flying back to N. Mexico, Cubby at work and Vincent laying in bed with a pulled muscle in his back.  It was a beautiful day so I hung outside weeding and cleaning up around the pool.  As the day went on my mind began to dwell on the future.  My up and coming surgery, how I will feel without one breast and having to wait for the remove of the other and reconstruction in January.  It seemed over whelming.  Wondering when I will ever have hair.  Thinking about Vincent coming home and  if Atlanta is really a good place for him.  I could go on and on, just like everyone, the enemy comes in to steal our  peace.  I fell prey to this and I couldn’t stop with the what if’s.

I realized what was going on and ran to my bible.  I prayed for God to help me focus on those things that are of  him.  I have come to acknowledge that God is truly my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.  I have to pull away from those thoughts and focus on Him.  I know I can always find peace and joy through his words.  He never fails to show me a verse that brings me  to a place of praising and thanking Him once again, That he is in control of my life and my families life.  Nothing slips through his hands and I can trust my destiny with Him.

Again he gave me a verse that filled me with such security, and what to focus on..  2 Corinthians 4:16-18  “Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Love you all and  again I thank you for all your prayers.  Love, Lisa

Well today I feel the weight is off my shoulders.  Yesterday after a lot of prayer and thought, I have decided to hold off on the reconstruction until after the radiation.  I just really questioned my motives of why I wanted it at the same time and I came up with 2 things.  I wanted to go ahead and have the one surgery instead of two surgery’s and the other reason was I wanted to have instant boobs.  Both were not good reasons and partly vain.  The safest way to go is to remove the breast with cancer, 6 weeks later start the radiation.  I will have radiation for 7 weeks everyday but weekends.  The reconstruction Doctor’s have said the damage from the radiation is horrible and it keeps on cooking for years to come.  Well I stand firm that God will show up like he did with my chemo and I will do fine. And There will be no damage and my skin will be protected with no redness.  I believe this will just go by smoothly, with easy recovery.  And my skin will not keep on cooking!!!  My surgery is scheduled for May 12th, on Wed. morning.  Then I can focus on Ansley and Rafe’s wedding.    Hopefully the other breast will be removed and reconstruction  in January.

Well, Like I said I knew God would speak loud and clear to me and he did through 3 different people. I have such peace about this decision and I thank each and every one of you that have been praying for me.  I have felt each one of them.  2 Corinthians 5:7  “We live by faith, not by sight” .  I love this verse and when I start to doubt, I lean on my faith.

Ansley flies in today with Rafe so maybe she will have something to say tomorrow.  Love to all,  Lisa

Tuesday was an unexpected day.  I went to see with my Mom, the plastic surgeon.  I explained to him I was doing radiation and that through a curb ball.  He was disappointed but understood.  He told us we have 2 options.  Do reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy then have radiation or wait a year after radiation to do the reconstruction.  He explain the pro’s and con’s for both.  My mother and I both said our heads were spinning with all the information.  The Doctor said he has even written a book on why you should wait til after radiation  Now over time he see’s some  negative side effects of doing  the reconstruction after radiation  as he has seen doing it before radiation.  Well, I asked him which one would he leaned towards and he honestly said he didn’t know……We left it that he was going to ask 2 women in that each one had done the different procedures.  I would talk to them both and maybe that would help me decide which procedure to do.  I Left feeling very overwhelmed because I thought this would be an easy decision.  Isn’t that just life.

What I decided to pray for was that the Lord’s will be done.  Then 2 verses came to mind that helped me have peace.  Proverbs 20:24  ” A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?”  We are often overwhelmed with the events around us but as time goes on more than likely they will fall in place.  Until then we have to trust in God that everything will fall in place. Then the other one that really hits home is Matthew 7:2 ” Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  So true, take each day at a time because if we look ahead, it will become overwhelming.  I have given it to God so once again, he will make the decision for me.  For this to happen I will let it go, and then He will give me a conviction towards the one procedure and not the other.  That gives me peace that I am not in control be He is.

Life can become complicated if we make it and I choose once again to pray this into God’s hands and let go.  Have a great day – Love, Lisa